Elfspice

who me?

2006-10-08T08:51:00.000+10:00

This morning as I was resisting getting up it struck me that I could write the whuffie server program myself. The control interface side of it could be as simple as a web application. To complete the application a simple server side section would need to be written which listens for requests, performs searches when requested, and fires off further requests to the ip addresses in its directory cache.

I know it's probably going to make a lot of people mad, but I'm going to write it in php. On the off chance that I actually get something working, if people are interested enough, they can port it into whatever language they like. I just like php that's all. I happen to know for certain that I can write a server application in php because I've done a simple server app in php before.

So it will be done. Nice way to spend a lazy sunday really.

Back to Earth

2006-10-07T21:44:00.000+10:00

A burst of enthusiasm passes and I feel a bit spent. The ideas I put together for the whuffie p2p network design I'm not so full of confidence about... *shrug* I'm sure if it's meritorious it will be picked up and have something done with.

I'm not much chop for implementations but designs and specifications are things I enjoy alot, although after I feel like I've put everything into it that I have I fall into this dull depression and wonder what the big deal was after all.

I hope the fellow who wanted to find it hasn't been put off by my putting the information in a place that appears to be inaccessible to him. I know that there has been several people visiting the website however, as the server logs show quite a few accesses during times when I definitely wasn't accessing it myself and was asleep. I can't say whether it was just one person or if there was several because the log only shows 127.0.0.1 for every access since it is on a tor hidden service.

The giant vat of fermenting apple juice is going along well, one can actually see effervescence in it constantly and the rate at which the gas is flowing out is quite phenomenal. It's been a bit of a novelty for my mother to witness it, she's never seen fermentation being done before. It's only my 6th ever brew, but in previous brews it was never this vigorous. I also have never put this much sugar into a brew either, or filled a vat so fully. I was concerned it might bubble out and make a mess but it's been absolutely no problem at all. If it were beer i think it would have made a right mess.

Bitchun'

2006-10-07T06:34:00.000+10:00

http://bitchun.org/
This is an interesting first attempt at creating an implementation of Whuffie, a form of currency described in Cory Doctorow's ( http://craphound.com/?p=147 ) book Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom which was a measure of reputation and regard from other people also using this currency. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whuffie describes it in basic terms and explains some of the subtlties of it.

After seeing the bitchun.org thing I decided I needed to write up my specification which I had been thinking about for some time, although I'd not thought about it for ages since dreaming it up. In the remembering some of the puzzles about it my concept has become clearer.

It is not complete by any means, but it you can find what I've written so far at http://ezrblwfyoyl24dar.onion/index.php/Whuffie
(requires a Tor proxy client to view/edit) and I invite anyone with thoughts about it to help me work up a proper protocol specification.

I would very much like to see whuffie become a real thing, Cory touches on something which is very crucial to the whole business of the sharing of value in his book Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom http://www.craphound.com/down/.

Electric Moron Once Again...

2006-10-06T16:39:00.000+10:00

It appears to be quite likely that the electric moron was involved in an attempt to defraud my mother of her credit card number, a call was received by me and by her and a person pretended to be our previous internet/phone provider requesting payment on a bill which did not exist.

Fortunately I was very abrupt with them as this provider has done much to provoke ill will from me, and likewise with my mother, and no such details were given out, although her date of birth was lost. This may be the cause of some problems, however I doubt they knew enough to be able to request a birth certificate for her (ie, her place of birth was not known).

The electric moron's bill had me sent a final notice and weighing things up I decided that I would pay back the bill slowly rather than face a civil court bleating about having been defrauded and manipulated by a scoundrel.

Unbeknownst, possibly, to the moron, who has clearly not been paying his rent, the real estate agent sent a breach notice which had my name on it, and thus was caught by the net of my mail redirection oddly enough. I have elected to sit on this little notice. If they do not attempt to contact him by phone, then he will be none the wiser, and perhaps he will be unlucky and have them knocking at his door demanding his vacation of the property with officers of the law in tow who will not take kindly to the fact he may be at the time in the midst of producing an illegal substance in his garage.

This has raised the question of whether the estate agent has heeded the signed documents submitted to them stating that I was no longer on the lease, and thus I have filed my copy of said document alongside the breach notice should any further come of this and blame be assigned to me beyond the date for which the document states I abdicated responsibility. It is best I be fore-armed against this possibility, because as of the date given I should have no legal liability.

I do not believe that he had any sway over the agents, so I satisfy myself for the time being that this was a mistaken addressing the breach to me, but know that if it should go ill I have some means to repel any attempts to assign liability to me.

The moron had the gall to demand I give him further monies when I was completely certain I had completely paid my debt for the house fro my part. I realise now that when he approached me thusly I should have said, 'This debt is between me and the agents, not between me and you and it shall only be given thusly to the agents,' but I wasn't fully in possession of my reason due to the fear he had successfully implanted into my mind.

Never again. I decided when this business was at its point of commencing closure that I was never again going to accept maltreatment or abuse from any person ever again in my life and I am steadfast as iron with this matter and even small slights I now have a calculated response, which this recent nonsense has fully crystallised for me, which basically goes like this:

"When I am done wrong, my retaliation is in the witholding of regard and concern for the wrongdoer. If I have instigated consequences in my name, I will wear them, but if there is any situation in which my help may prevent them from finding trouble I will withold it with the intent that my inaction leads them to harm themselves."

I think this is basically the praxis upon which nobility operates, and I fully intend to become noble. Noble means to not get entangled in the business of others. Only when one refuses to be drawn into retaliation or opens oneself up for abuse does one avoid trouble and make the ground ready for their ascent up the ladder of reputation. Wrong done to counter wrong does not elevate social standing, it simply puts one at the mercy of the sly silver tongue and to whether one has a greater skill of persuasion than the one who has aggrieved.

I've had a gutful

2006-10-05T18:34:00.000+10:00

Look, to everyone, I couldn't give a flying fuck that you don't like an active chatter in your domain. I've just got an email in a mailing list chastising me for being to much of a chatterbox and I couldn't give a flying fuck if you are having a bad day, that's it, you just shut me up permanently. At least in any social online domain that is not primarily about me putting my thoughts out there (ie not here).

The same thing basically applies in my non-electronic communication domain, I have realised that only a very small number of people appreciate my thoughts at all. In case you hadn't noticed from reading this blog, I spare nobody in my critiques, and I am sick of apologising to people for being so unswerving in my intent to make clear criticism and offer comprehensive albeit at times divergent idea streams for further actions.

If anyone wants my creative or critical input on anything I am not going to say a thing without a big fat legal document saying that they will pay me if they even dare so much as to say in a public arena to me that I am being in some way unacceptably blunt or misguided in my expressions. I'm not interested in being castigated for expressing my opinion when it is invited ever again. EVER. and I'm not fucking around. People who are actually interested in hearing an opinion don't mind me.

Blogger doesn't mind me spouting at the mouth so here is where you hear my thoughts. Unfortunately blogger doesn't make it simple to find out if anything I've said has attracted comments, but I do try to find out if anyone has an opinion to reflect, and I would love to respond to any opinions.

But I am becoming increasingly averse to this whole debate business because I have only rarely met people who are objective enough to permit a decent dialogue with me.

For the rest of you all - I couldn't give a damn. If you aren't willing to permit my reaction to your thoughts or actions then you don't deserve any of my time and you can fucking go to hell.

GOOD BYE

withdrawal

2006-10-04T15:43:00.000+10:00

I went in to my clubhouse yesterday and was very disappointed to see that the master copy I'd made, and the instructions on printing it were completely unheeded. I guess perhaps it should not be a surprise considering I am the only person in the place who even knows what good typography looks like. *shrug*
Made me think better of being so loyal to it, and to just make use of its services and let the inertia of the environment reassert itself. I dread coming back some weeks hence and finding that the indoor plants are once again returned to their prior sad state, and yet another mortality in the fishtank, but I should just let it go, and focus on cultivating things which are directly feeding me, like my relationships with my work-colleagues and my on home and it's untended garden and my body and it's poor but improving state of health. All I can really do apart from directly attending to the living things in that place is hope that someone noticed what I was doing and noticed the change it wrought but it is not a hope I should put great stock in.

I have now started a new brew, I overestimated the volume of the vat by 2 litres, then found the volume climbed another 6 litres or so when the sugar was added so I had to draw out 2 litres again before it would be safe for it to start fermenting. The froth at the top is fairly minimal, and the top of the fluid level is very near it but it's not coming out of the vapour lock. The rate of bubbling is quite intense and the sweet smell of fermenting apples fills the air around it.
I put 9 kilograms of brewing sugar into the brew, 2kg of dextrose and 7kg of 'brewers sugar' which is about half half corn sugar and sucrose. Last brew I included some honey and used brown sugar which I am not sure was good or not, the results of this next brew will show whether brown sugar is better or dextrose/maltodextrin/sucrose. In any case, the previous brew was about 60L and I put in 6 kilograms of sugar, the beverage which resulted was decent but to my estimation not much more than 5% alcohol/volume and I really want something with a bit more of a kick than that, so a brew with 50% more sugar should theoretically land me around the 7-8% mark that I desire.

I have decided to cease my efforts to contribute to the Clubhouse now, I am going to erase the sections of the wiki that I had started. I think I may cook up some kind of web based management application but I have to dream up a purpose for doing so.
I don't know if there is much hope of me actually finding members for the Monastic Order of Chaos, but perhaps I should work on developing the financial side of it, creating an accounting system as a web-based application, learning how the taxation rules actually work and what they entitle me to claiming.
I am also going to start saving money up now. Last two pays I have got I spent too much in one go. I did kinda need to do some of the spending, but much of it was unneccessary, things like credit for my phone, a white LED keychain lamp, and various other things which added up to me running short before I was paid again, and now again I have accidentally paid out too much into my mother's account and spent probably a little too much getting a brew running. I can't really rue this too badly, I'm not exactly in poverty anymore, things are better than they have been in a very long time.
However next pay I am not going to go and splash out on a skateboard as I was thinking about doing, I will let the money pile up until the pay after before I consider doing that. I'm going to have to shell out about 500 to really get equipped for skateboarding and tell the truth I have greater need at present for another three work outfits, a lighter pair of shoes and a nice set of 6 light white socks so the coming summer heat does not make me sweat overmuch.

Overall things are going well in my life at the moment. I am starting to become much more stable now and progress is really starting to happen.

Obsession

2006-10-02T23:15:00.000+10:00

Well, for some unknown reason I've spent the better part of the last 6 hours browsing neat techy gizmo websites, first I was dwelling on the subject of LED illumination (sadly there is not yet a bayonet fitting led light yet, although edison type with 110V is available) and then I kinda got stuck on long wave radio synchronising watches. Finally found one which looks like it might be somewhat useful where I live, for that matter virtually anywhere in the world... puzzles me why there isn't an international consortium for this, surely it can't take that much to run enough long wave time transmitters synchronised to gps time signals so that ordinary people don't have to set their clocks anymore... eeesh! well anyway, luckily it seems quite likely I am in decent range of one of them so a self-setting watch is definitely on my agenda.

Progress?

2006-10-01T22:00:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I decided to try using pseudoephedrine to unclog my mostly always at least somewhat clogged nostrils. It sure dried out the ol shnoz, but left my brain all scattery. I'm not sure what to make of that, I don't think that is terribly helpful. I wonder why it affects my concentration so much... it's certainly not mentioned in any side effect lists I've seen.

I've progressed with the wiki stuff somewhat, I have the beginnings of a table definition list for the database, I'm going to need to have a gander at the database at the clubhouse sometime and get a scope of the current state of affairs.

An old school friend visited today, haven't seen him in a while, as usual he just turned up unheralded. I'm kinda glad he's asperger cos it means he is only narrowly interested in me, his obsessions and mine are only marginally linked. I do try to be decent and all, but it still feels odd.

idiocy

2006-09-30T14:23:00.000+10:00

Fucking FUCKING bureaucracies.

Today I realised that I was supposed to put a fcuking form in to centrelink (welfare here in australia) and I hadn't even thought about it because of one of the centrelink officers telling me when I called, and when I visited, even, that I didn't have to do anything until monday (second of october).

*shrug*

So I'm gonna have to take a day off work to sort this out, because I had figured my finances upon my being paid monday morning and this is now not going to happen.

Pain in the ass bitch ass BITCHES! gah. Man, these people call themselves professional? I have a mental illness and I could organise this better, and organisation is my weak point. There goes $67 or whatever my 4 hours pay is worth.

I should have been on a pension anyway. Since putting in the application to be on a pension a year has now passed and it is highly unlikely that I'm going to be 100% ready to stand on my own two feet before another year passes. The condition which I did not fulfill that excluded me was the timeline of recovery. There is no way, from the time I applied, until the time after that specified (two years) as being the minimum prognosis.

But what am I going to do? Should I appeal this decision? Problem is, where am I going to find someone they consider qualified to make that assessment and fight for that?

I'm going to have a long chat with my support people about this. I have missed a day of this transitional employment (or to be exact, will have missed) only because I had to put in a stupid form which is an excess and external requirement of which taxes my capacity to continue my process of rehabilitation.

I FUCKING HATE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE!!! fucking cunts, fucking bitch ass bureaucratic inhuman meat-robots!

wiki

2006-09-29T20:49:00.000+10:00

http://mooc.no-ip.org

This is the MOoC wiki, which will be updated over time as I get the urge to do so. I have to develop a how-to guide on how to access the silc server, I think I should create a secondary page for the hidden tor service access points, but I'm not sure how to tell apache not to serve the pages other than to the localhost and thusly to the hidden service redirectors in the tor server. I'll get around to this as I go along.

I doubt anyone is actually reading this blog, but to be honest, that doesn't bother me, because this is my journal. I say things in here which are not particularly politic. I'm not really much chop for being politic in general. Generally speaking, in social situations, I am a total failure. I have the odd situation where I am valued but I have not yet refined my circles to ensure I circulate in such areas most of the time. I'm working on it though. There's no point in me trying to get involved with people who are not capable of seeing beyond the 'normal person' view of my way of communicating, which usually is misinterpreted as arrogant and authoritarian. I personally think that is because they can't understand me and can't therefore compose an adequate response and thus feel excluded socially from my field. Well, that just means I need to stick to people who actually understand me.

*shrug*

Life is never easy for the first generations of a new branch of the tree of life.

Back to SILC

2006-09-29T18:20:00.000+10:00

I have come to a decision that irc is an elitist chat format, and that only jabber and silc are actually aimed at humans who simply want to facilitate online text conversations and not some means to puff up their nerd egos. Silc doesn't have much in the way of troll-defense systems, nor does it have much in the way of oper control stuff... but what the hell, I don't seriously expect a huge number of people to join my silc server, I just want to run a private silc server providing for the monastic order of chaos and an international clubhouse chat community. I think I'd probably be correct in thinking that, at best, for every clubhouse there is one member or staff who would actually participate.

I seriously doubt that trolling will be an issue so I am gonna stick with silc. The silky client isn't the greatest but gaim can be used too, and being that most users will be on windows, this is fine, and also, there is a silc capable gaim that can be run directly from a removable storage device. I think all I will have to do is create a little web page explaining the ways of accessing the silc server and links to where to get them.

The aim of this exercise is simply to introduce the clubhouse community to wiki and instant messaging. Since I have discovered that there is at least one other geeky person at my clubhouse I think that there must be a good 20-30 people in the global clubhouse community who could form a hard core of globally linked chat/wiki users who can provide the geeky tech influence more cohesively to the clubhouse community, and provide an online social outlet which would otherwise leave clubhouse members with autistic tendencies on the margins without a social millieu to work with that is linked to the clubhouse.

I have no idea whether there is any real point to any of this but what the hell, this is what I am into, and I have sworn to once and for all leave my old chat haven and I still crave chat, so I am going to see if I can create or discover a group of people who are much more in line with my current state of progress. The entheogen/drug scene is not really where I belong, although these things are not entirely out of my life, I never did really fit with the social millieu surrounding it, the healing focus of the clubhouse community is much more in line with my way of thinking, as is the ad-hoc ways of organising action.

Networkd

2006-09-29T07:45:00.000+10:00

Finally starting to get some progress with my network services and configuration. Apache is now running and I finally have something on it - a mediawiki webapp. I've been struggling with irc configuration but I will eventually get it sorted out, and put a cgi:irc app on the webserver. First though I need to get SSL working on the webserver.

Learned a few useful things about tor - there is settings to stick to a specific exit node for sites which log out users when their ip address changes (eg, this one) and specific sites one can set a fixed exit node - i found this most useful for doing loop-back testing on my external accessibility of servers. if types in www.google.com.tornodename.exit (where tornodename is the name of the desired tor exit node) then one accesses google through that specific tor exit node. Sadly ip address based security is still commonly used and while this is the case tor users will have to use these things to not get shafted by these services. Sadly also this backwards attitude has resulted in many irc server networks blocking tor nodes (freenode used to permit it but now blocks tor, much to my disgust) because of stupid trolls whose technical capability lacks but tor permits them to escape ip based banning.

I don't understand why people don't just require some kind of authentication mechanism when they get trolling from tor exit nodes. Even wikipedia blocks editing and logging in from tor. Does it really make any difference if joe bloggs connects through tor to vandalise pages or through jap or from his own ip or for that matter from whichever internet cafe he happens to be nearby? ip addresses do not equal locations. even if they did, one cannot know simply by the 32 bit number whether it is the same person accessing.

*sigh*

I had a lot of trouble getting my networking behaving itself, but it's all functioning properly now. I tried to run the modem as a pppoe bridged connection but i couldn't get the pppoe connection working right and gave up, and in the process mangled a lot of my intranet computer's configurations... seems to be all fixed now.

silc: not good enough

2006-09-26T21:56:00.000+10:00

Sadly, SILC isn't really mature enough for general use by newbies... The windows silc pluging for gaim is ok but it doesn't deal with modes and stuff properly, the server doesn't have any proper methods for registering or operating services, and the clients other than that are either difficult to use for newbies (the irssi silc plugin) or very inadequate (silky)...

So I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and learn how to run a real ircd properly, unrealircd seems to be the most 'stable' according to gentoo portage devs, and anope, although unstable, actually compiles, and seems to be popular and supports unrealircd. I will also install the cgi irc client so there is a direct web-browser based irc client for those unwilling or unable to install an irc client.

It's a bit disappointing that silc is still so immature. *shrug* I'll most likely configure and get the irc server stuff running tomorrow, and maybe the cgi:irc thing as well.

Once the irc servers are up and running, the next step will be to get the wiki fully running, configure access control and then I can start editing it, create content, edit the skin, that sort of thing.

Once I get to that stage I will be able to start working towards finding users for the services. Maybe. I don't know what kind of reception this idea is going to get but I might as well give it a go.

I think that it is highly unlikely that there is less than 50 potential users of the IRC in the international clubhouse community, and once the early adopters start using it, it is only a matter of time before the rest of the community realises the potential for using it as a way to co-ordinate and organise action between clubhouses and for the clubhouse movement as a whole.

Service

2006-09-26T19:46:00.000+10:00

I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but I finally have got a decently functional connection (adsl2 standard, 12mbit down 1mbit up) which seems to be nice and stable, and a silc server running, and a web server with php and mysql capabilities.

I have half a mind to start working on developing some useful software for a LAMP system, specifically a database designed for storing and retreiving and analysing data for a support network system similar to the one used at the Clubhouse but incorporating features that have been poorly substituted for with direct queries and combining with other applications like spreadsheets to get useful data out of the database. I'm not sure what to start with... I think I should make a basic front page with information on linking to the chat server first, and probably install a wiki to spec up the database system with the help of anyone who is interested in participating. A wiki is probably the best solution to all of the functionality I am looking for in the website.

What I'm aiming at I don't really know, I guess I just want something meaningful to do that I have a direct interest and possibly may lead to application in the environment I envision it going into. My influence and several others at the Clubhouse is leading to changes in the IT infrastructure (Stepping Stone's server is being upgraded and security tightened up to allow better reliability of the computers and prevent and detect counter-productive activity on the computer systems). If I can mock up something along the lines of what I envision the clubhouse internet presence and database system should be, something which is designed to be open-ended so that it can be extended in the future by interested members and staff, and possibly it may help other clubhouses with a basic infrastructure that will have zero cost and minimal costs of maintaining basic usability.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho!

2006-09-26T19:30:00.000+10:00

Well, interestingly the money that disappeared from my bank account which I had assumed was a dishonour fee has magically reappeared. The reason for it is unknown, apart from the connection with the Moronic electric bill mentioned previously, and dishonour fees, twice now I have been completely unable to get internet banking working on it and I'm no fool... I already have a working one so why bother with something that's not co-operating.

Work was vaguely decent today. I am still not feeling 100% but with luck tomorrow morning I'll awaken to find a nice big fat several hundred dollars of pay in there and I'm visiting a supermarket or health food store asap to get a nice little stack of immune-building supplements and that should be the end of the sickness for good, because I'll at last be able to sustain the supply of the nutrients.

I suspect that the level of coffee imbibement I am routinely engaging in isn't terribly good for my kidneys...getting some odd aches and pains again, but the caffeine definitely helps, although it makes things more messy if there's not enough vitality available... again, should be fixed very soon.

I am definitely missing my online socialisation but I've had a gutful of the group I was associating with before. I have ideas of starting something new up connected with the Clubhouse... I have now at last got a silc server running, all that remains is setting up a little webpage explaining how to access the server (silky seems like the best option overall) - I may even make a custom installer for the program which has a default configuration which automatically connects... if that's possible, I'm not sure as yet, I can't see how automatic logins work on the linux version at this point.

Anyway, not much to report, once I'm on my nutrient supplement program I will definitely be reporting the effects.

Netcomm NB5 Nitwits! Plus Caffeine!

2006-09-25T18:29:00.000+10:00

Well, according to a chap who has been hacking the software inside the modem (it's based on a linux kernel 2.4.17) the problem with the modem is not overheating or bugs, it's inadequate memory. It only has the capacity to track 512 connections, and once they are full it refuses to open any more. I'm not sure if that is entirely 100% the case as if that were true then surely closing the programs would restore function, but perhaps when this buffer is full it just refuses to do anything at all with them. If this is correct there is only two things which would improve the situation, one, for netcomm to install a bit more memory by default and up the connection tracking limit, or to cut out as much fluff from the running software when it is on so that more space can be dedicated to actual modem functionality. *sigh*

I have started to again suffer from the leaky gut problem, sleepiness during the day and depression, lethargy and irritability, nowhere near as bad as I used to get but it was far enough below what I have become accustomed to, however, for the time being it is nothing that about 4 cups of espresso can't help.

I have become a bit belligerant in part to do with what I have realised about the emotional/psychic dynamics discussed in previous posts, and in part because I'm drinking so much coffee I think. It's reminding me a little of what happened when I was on ritalin, and I'm a little concerned that I will lose my subtlety too much in the process and end up causing a fight... Well, I know that caffeine messed with my head in the past, but at that time it was combined with emotional stress and cannabis. Hopefully caffeine is not the primary cause, I guess my continuing to use it as a substitute for proper medication will reveal whether this is the case or not.

It makes me want to do something about getting the other medication but I'm still really in no position to do that, however, I should think that is on the horizon, I have some ideas about how I'm going to do that... Down the track, perhaps, or perhaps not. It really depends. If I can cope with using the situation as it stands, I think I will stick with that. What concerns me the most is that I will experience the emotional exhaustion and irritability more frequently as I go along but it could just be a function of my digestive malfunction reasserting itself. If I do get worn down to breakdown level I'm gonna have to have a serious think about this because it's just not right, not right at all precious.

netcomm nb5 nsanity

2006-09-24T10:10:00.000+10:00

Well, I've been doing a bit more reading and it appears that the cause of my unstable internet connection is an overheating cpu on my modem/router. Oddly enough there is no 'warranty void if removed' stickers on the nice little phillips head screws holding the modem together so I've undone them and put the modem sans pretty white plastic casing in a position where it will get ample ambient air cooling.

Previously it has been dying within 12 hours of running continuously with fairly heavy loading, if I am able to get up tomorrow morning, turn on my monitor and still use the internet then the problem may be solved.

The cpu has no heatsink... Well, here's an opportunity to put another picture into my blog perhaps...

That little texas instruments chip pointed at in the picture is the little bastid thing. Not only does it have no heasink, the ventilation holes on the case are pretty minimal.

Fingers crossed this does the trick! If so, I think it might be worth my while figuring out how to have a heatsink on it, it's geeky cool to have open circuits (well, ok my computer's case is open too) but not so cool if there's dust everywhere in the house (well, fluff then, the cohabitant is a textile freak) and the circuit is sitting upright... Hopefully I won't need to add a heatsink or fan to the situation, time will tell.

Sexual Politics

2006-09-23T23:29:00.000+10:00

Something I had a bit of a chat with someone this afternoon I thought I should talk about in here. I don't know if other people notice this, but I frequently, inevitably find myself looking at the partially bared cleavage of some female, who clearly wants it seen, who responds to my interest with a scowl. What the fuck is up with that? If a woman doesn't want to engage in sexual acts with any random stranger, that's fair enough, but to put yourself on display and then put out psychic barbs at anyone fool enough to witness it, there's something quite pathological in that in my opinion.

Another thing I see most frequently on TV but sometimes in person is this surreal transposition of the focus of gestural expression from the face to the chest. Sometimes I look at these women and think their tits are looking at me, rather than their face.

One has to wonder whether these fools are actually even thinking about what they are doing. Perhaps the average person is so caught up in their own head-trip they don't even realise the violence and nastiness of their behavior - I don't think many people really realise how often they are putting psychic darts out at other people, but the way these women do it is quite amazing, they make sure that they are eye-catching and then reward their successful catching of an eye with a knife in the heart.

Maybe I should sometime just blithely ignore it and just fucking stare at the next set of barely clad breasts I encounter, and make the bitch feel the heat of my glare on what is clearly the unconscious or hidden centre of their consciousness.

Nutted Out

2006-09-23T22:44:00.000+10:00

Well, I spent the better part of today tweaking my Tor server settings and puzzling about a mysterious loss of internet that seems to happen to the modem. The Tor website talks about how Tor uses a lot of connection streams and this can push the limits of modems... It does occur to me that perhaps the modem is creaking under the weight of even my measly little Tor node's traffic, since it has to do NAT and thus must have to keep a track of all the open streams... I don't know... I suppose if I wake up tomorrow morning and again find that the modem has locked up then I'll have to quit trying to run a tor server and try and figure out wtf I'm gonna do with this 60gb/month quota I will have to pay 20 dollars to reduce if it is beyond my needs. Fingers crossed I don't have to worry about it and tomorrow I wake up and everything is functioning as it is supposed to be functioning.

I have been drinking a fair bit of commercial cider this last few days, and I swear that my homebrew cider wasn't making me feel as craply as I am feeling at the moment. I haven't been seriously irritable in ages until a couple of days ago and today again I'm getting very irritated. I'm keeping myself from cracking up but I can't help but feel that there's something toxic in those drinks which is making me irritable, some intestinal irritant or something which is letting the evil gluten peptides through the gate again... Sodium bisulphite is the main unwanted thing in there... maybe that's something that it does in the intestines, I know that sulphur dioxide, which is evolved from it (used to preserve the colour of dried apples and apricots) is a known lung irritant and can cause asthma attacks.

The moron, who I stupidly let rip me off in so many ways, has set me back a bit on my schedule to get back onto the zinc/ascorbic acid thing, but only by a few days, I will be getting a tidy $300 pay from the new job I'm doing on wednesday or thursday or something, top priority is the following set of supplements (with daily doses):

Zinc 45mg
Ascorbic Acid 2000mg
Magnesium 400mg
B complex (fairly high doses)
Omega 3 fatty acids (flax oil most likely)
Glutamine 2000mg

Of all the things I can waste my money on, these seem to be the most important, and of them, zinc is probably the achilles heel of my metabolic system, when I supplement it, my protein digestion improves and overall digestion improves as does my appetite. Once I am actually absorbing more from my food I get more energy and focus.

Hopefully once I'm finally on a routine program of dosing these supplements I will get further improvements although I'm still needing some kind of stimulant, at this point I have about 200-300mg of caffeine a day, which works ok but I'm not glad about the stress on my kidneys both from diuresis and uric acid formation. I need to get myself a good water bottle, one which doesn't grow fungi and get funky like the stupid Brita ones, and start drinking regularly. My workplace has a nice chilled water dispenser and it is a bit odd that I don't go to the toilet more than once a day, I really should be going a few times if I'm drinking enough water, otherwise my blood will definitely be dirtier than it ideally should be.

The End of an Error

2006-09-22T23:28:00.000+10:00

Well, that's that. End of an era, as they say. The last remnant of my connections to this stupid life I once had has now been utterly severed. Goodbye dearest Vanesa, may you fare well.

Ignorant people might say that I am being abandoned and shunned. But I say I am being told and heeding the message that it is time to move on and find a new place because I am not who I once was.

I can't honestly say I miss it. I have been wanting something new for a long time now but only recently I am prepared to work my arse off to get it... and here it is.

I love you all, I wish I could say I'll miss you all but then you never really missed me so it was kinda stupid of me anyway.

Peace Bitches!

Oh yes, some things never change. Elfspice, educating the willing but perhaps somewhat foolish folks who wished to extract DMT... He's still here, always will be... to elfspice, despite his local laws, knowing how to do something is not a crime, and will always inform as to the best ways to do such simple things as acid/base extractions to simple waxy freebase crystals. Or anything else, although if such things involve explosive chain reactions Elfspice will probably not inform as such informing generally leads to some kind of carnage or other and this is against his principles.

Other things? Well, the interest is still there but the experience of the local milieu has kinda cheesed him off. But then the local milieu had to ask Elfspice, they didn't bother googling for themselves, so screw them. Elfspice can find his own ways. Even if it costs him some of his health points for a period of time.

Caffeine is better than meth when meth is illegal. Caffeine is better than modafinil when it is ridiculously overpriced. Caffeine is better than dextro amphetamine when dextro amphetamine ruins ones' immune system. Caffeine is better than ritalin because it causes less socially unacceptable aggressive behavior.

Alcohol is better than valium because a doctor need not be consulted. Alcohol is better than GHB because it is illegal (well, sadly Elfspice knows nothing of GHB in firsthand experience). Alcohol and caffeine are better than meth and weed because meth and weed are illegal.

Elfspice will, as a rule, prefer legal and easily accessible over anything else, unless there is legal and not so easily accessible for those without neurological malfunctions like Elfspice's. Illegality throws the whole thing out of the window. Sad but true. Law > health. Look it up.

Women and Chatter

2006-09-22T22:24:00.001+10:00

I think I actually appended this to the previous entry, which i just deleted, but regardless, this is my online diary and I know I have at least one reader (you know who you are)...

Well, today and yesterday I had some strange interactions with some delightful females I spend quite a bit of time around. I had in my mind some inklings of an interest in both of these women, but while engaging with them in a more-or-less intimate situation, they both, unbidden, informed me of their being attached and thusly unavailable. One was in the process of moving into a house (share house mind you) with her boyfriend and the other casually announced she was a 'boring married woman'... I don't need to be told twice... the latter woman spent some time holding my hand as she dished out some lollies to me... dear me. I must say, as much as she is lovely I'm a bit concerned that she is sworn to a man and yet shows such strong signals to a man she is quite clearly getting a bit charged up about... That immediately puts me off because I don't want a strayer, nor do I wish to disrupt any other man's thing.

Pity is all I feel really.

It is nice to once again be in my power, my greatest talent being to endear myself and get under people's skin and have them confess their secrets to me. I don't know what is happening to me but it makes an awful lot of sense and I'm quite pleased it is happening.

I also get this feeling that I am starting to become interesting to the opposite sex, in a way that interests me... I think it's probably only a matter of time now before someone worthwhile turns up. Having the subtle indirect language messages females are prone to giving so clearly given to me about both interest and their inaccessibility tells me that the channels to female-kind are open. Which is good. About time. I think it's something to do with my unselfconscious self-expression which is starting to become my habit, which is mainly just the liberation from the selfconscious self-inhibition which has been a curse given to me by my father and then reinforced by all the 'normal' kids at school.

Now if only this damn ringworm would go away... and the dandruff... well it's pretty clear it's only a matter of time.

Oh yes, today also I got some pretty heavy 'go away' messages from the two people I was most 'close' to in my customary chatroom. I've decided that I'm not appreciated there anyway, never really have been, and once and for all I'm not going back. Ever. Goodbye to my fan there, I hope spring brings an ample harvest in your garden. Pass on my condolences at my permanent absence.

Oh yes, and a last note for the day, I have decided I am going to set up a silc server for the clubhouse community. Fortunately, perhaps, at least for me anyway, nobody has thought of setting up such a thing with irc, because I hate IRC, well, at least, setting up servers, and SILC is much nicer, although it lacks some of the features it surpasses IRC by being designed to be secured by asymmetrically encrypted end to end and the servers never see what the users are saying. Privacy is a right, not something to be given away to tyrannical 1984esque government ideologues. I say to anyone who wants to say 'if you haven't got anything to hide you have nothing to fear', well in that case, can I follow you around 24/7 with a team of camera operators and broadcast it live online, every pick of the nose, every shit in the toilet, every time you are in bed with your partner?

Anyway, I'm not saying I'm a voyeur, because I'm not, I prefer not to be in the same space as anyone engaging in private activities (even things like re-arranging one's tackle or picking ones nose), but then again I tolerate it, I just look away.

Ok, back to the story, I'm gonna set up a silc server and talk to my support people about promoting such a thing internationally so that there is an immediate online forum for those who are interested for their peers around the globe (ie, geek members).

Electric Moron Revisited

2006-09-22T17:40:00.000+10:00

Well, today I had a nasty shock when I was about to buy some zinc, vitamin c, kettle chips and bottled water this morning, my debit card declined the transaction. At first I was puzzled and then I figured out that it must have been because of yet another direct debit dishonour from the previously mentioned ridiculous electric bill which I was mostly not responsible for.

At first I was fuming. The moron responsible for this outrageous electric bill has repeatedly confessed many crimes, one in particular from some time ago which was a participation in an incident of homicide (disposing of bloodied clothes), and several other things of which some I was unlucky enough to be present to witness... it would be very easy for me to get revenge for all the wrongs I suffered but I thought a little longer and decided not to do anything.

I thought it through quite a bit. Why was it that he was, on one hand, confessing to me, and on the other, suspecting me of everything that went wrong, things like important identification documents and my keeping an eye on dangerous folk his guest brought to the house, a theft of a number of his trichocereus cactii (aka san pedro) and various other minor things. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells, or perhaps more accurately broken pieces of lightbulbs...

And when I put the two things together and realise that his unconscious intent was to lure me into a situation where he could cast his violent self-hatred onto someone else by sending the gangsters he talked about so much as being bad people to break my legs or worse, hurt someone close to me.

So that is that, I cast off any desire for retribution, I will put my faith in the obvious idea that evil does evil to itself and let fate take care of it. I am blameless except in my foolish permitting of another to abuse my trust because of my desperation for medication. I have learned my lesson and the lesson is that the people who abuse and leech should be given wide berth because they repay all kindness and communion with poison. The good people come when the bad people no longer are welcome.

Working Spice

2006-09-21T20:07:00.000+10:00

Well, I've been working now 4 hour shifts for 3 days at my transitional employment thing. Packing optometrist orders, cleaning a dental prosthetic lab and doing general data entry and filing stuff. Not exactly stimulating but I prefer boring to something which makes me feel inadequate, at most of these roles I feel like I am more than competent and that people appreciate my skill at these so-called tedious types of tasks. The optical lab stuff is easy but I discovered today that time slows down if one spends too much time talking. My TE placement helper people are all wonderful but I won't mind when I'm left to myself with it.

The electricity moron hasn't responded to my forwarding of the bill he mostly created. I was just being a drunken loony when I said he'd get what is coming to him, I can't be bothered. If he didn't take heed of the message about his absurd electrical consumption, then either he is an idiot or he's doing things that he lied to me that he wasn't into, either way, the more time goes by the more it seems obvious to me that my premonition of his death is accurate. You can't go around ignoring danger signals around you forever without ignoring a serious one. Or maybe you can. Either way, it offends my sense of balance and truth and I'd rather not watch this travesty. As Gandalf says well, 'Evil often mars evil' or something along those lines, in other words, bad things do bad things to themselves.

As for my liability on that bill, if they want to push it, I'll declare bankruptcy. I decided some time ago but now and then delude myself into thinking I should procure some imaginary money from some scumbag usurer and then I remind myself that it's all bullshit... so sue away dearest utility retail company.

As I am now earning a bit more money, I've been pondering what I will do with it. At this point I have decided that my priority is to get a press to squish apple cider out, probably some socks and shoes and second-hand office wear, and the rest is staying in the bank, I want a decent capacity mp3 playing mobile phone.

On my commutes to my rehab place and to my new job I've been reading The Lord of the Rings and I am amazed that I put off reading it for so many years, although it's not gripping me like books used to when I was younger, I really enjoy the diversion from the icky smells and sounds of public transport, and the more I read the less I am impressed with the cinematic version, and this has got me thinking a lot about the business of cinema vs prose, and I have concluded that the former is piss weak compared to the latter, hands down. Reading is going to become again my favourite activity when I'm not busy trying to learn something or do something practical with a computer or my body.

I'm also going to get myself training in Wing Chun Kung Fu (here's the school I'm gonna go to's website: ) ... oh my, how did I miss this before! no, bugger that wing chun, good as it is, is not Ba Gua Zhang http://www.brisbanekungfu.com/ W00T W00T W00T!

Well, once again the story unfolds in the telling. No wonder I like telling things so much, when so often the process leads me to something new and better.

Well, I've emailed the sifu and hopefully he'll tell me where I can go learn to fight like a whirlwind against multiple assailants :)

Electric Moron

2006-09-16T08:32:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I received the most insane electrical bill I have ever seen. AUD$323 for 56 days. In that sort of time scale I have never accrued more than 50 except when I had a HID running and that put it up to 80. It was of course nothing to do with me, except for a tiny bit, I'm not gonna pay it, I sent it to the person who used the power and I'm waiting to see what he does in response. At this point in time I expect belligerance and I will make sure the bastard gets what's coming to him if chooses stupidity.

Bemused

2006-09-15T23:25:00.000+10:00

Well, although someone close to me quoted from this blog, it appears that they are keeping the address secret. Or possibly they don't know it and I quoted myself somewhere. Funny shit.

Anyway. Hidden services are now up apparently. I configged everything and supposedly the hidden services are working, i better get some addresses to post here. I'm not posting any real ones. I run a tor server. My hidden services are just that, hidden. The obvious ones... well I am seriously... ok fuck it, fuck you if you don't want to use tor *goes and turns off port forwards.

haha bitches :)